For all the mothers out there, we see you
It’s 4:30 in the morning and the baby starts to cry again. I feel my heart beating faster in my chest wondering if she’ll stop. If she’ll wake up her sister. If my husband will take one for the team and rock her back to sleep. Or if it’s my turn.
I’m tired. There have been more sleepless nights than I can count, and I’m hoping my coworkers and those I meet with throughout the day won’t question my intelligence or capability in light of my brain fog and memory loss. As my heart pounds, I wonder how much longer I can run on these fumes.
I can't help but feel the shame wash over me as I acknowledge that my support system and privileges make my experience as a mother so much easier. My husband splits the care of our children and housework with me. We live in a pretty safe neighborhood, and our family, while 3-4 hours away, is happy to help when we need it. We both work and have cars to get us there. We’re also white.
Despite my advantages, it is still a daily struggle to finish work before having to leave and get the kids, scramble to get dinner on the table, kids in the bathtub, bedtime stories read, house cleaned, dog walked, emails answered, and to maintain my sanity or some semblance of it.
The sobering reality is that single moms are the majority of the heads of households in the Freedom Drive Corridor. Our privileged society assumes they must not be trying hard enough if they don’t take advantage of all of the resources and opportunities out there. The truth is, if we walked just one day in their shoes, it would sink in that there’s so much more to their stories. Their courage, strength, perseverance and love for their children should bring us all to our knees.
Through Freedom Communities’ Moms Moving Forward program, I have had the privilege of getting to know and understand some of the mothers living in the Freedom Drive Corridor. We compensate moms for their participation in every part of our program — from reading to their children and attending weekly coaching sessions to monthly workshops and saving their money — because we know that their time is money. And although they face added challenges others couldn’t imagine, their resilience, love and gratitude are unmatched.
Don’t take it from me. Listen to what they have to say.
“Honestly the greatest challenge I have faced being a mother is raising black sons in a country that sees their skin color as a threat. I fear sending them outside in front of our house, let alone down to the park (which is only a block away) My greatest blessing of being a mother is seeing my children happy and accomplishing things I never dreamed of as a child. My oldest son wants to go to the military when he graduates from high school. He will be the first in our family to graduate. My 2nd oldest wants to become a computer programer or an architect. He starts high school next year. Seeing them actually wanting to do positive things and enjoying themselves makes me so proud and happy.
As a single mom with 7 sons it is definitely a struggle but we make it work with a constant flow of communication.I give them the space to be vulnerable about their feelings because as black men there is a stigma against being vulnerable. Its seen as weak in society, but in my home we don't see it that way. My greatest blessing of being a mother is seeing my children happy and accomplishing things I never dreamed of as a child. It's not always sunshine and rainbows, we do have bad days. But most days we are laughing and enjoying our family time.” — Carlissia
“My greatest challenge I face as a mother is trying to be a full time mom, work two jobs and go to school part time. My greatest blessing as a mom is my child, of course. He’s my everything, and also my strong support system. How I’m making it work as a single mom is just praying and remembering that my child is looking up to me everyday.” — Holli
“My greatest blessing is watching my children grow into their personalities; being fortunate enough to be able to provide the needs of my children; the will power and drive I need to make it happen. My children made me who I am today and the woman I will be in the future.” — Crystal
“I struggle with mental health myself, and my three children also struggle with mental health and behavioral issues. I have had programs turn them away because of their behaviors. What hurts more is when you really don't have support mentally, physically and emotionally.” — Shante
“The biggest challenge I’ve faced being a mother is having to put things on hold to accommodate my children in their time of need. I’ve had to stop working for over a year because I had no help with picking up my children from school and taking them. I put my life on pause from being able to go to school/work to make sure my children are getting what they need. God always makes sure I am provided what I need to make sure we are okay. I’m also trying to raise my children in the world we live in today to make sure they do not follow the wrong path, nor make the same mistakes I’ve made without having to interfere too much with them having a sense of self. My children made me who I am today and the woman I will be in the future.” — RL
Our hope is that this program will help mothers become more self-sufficient, build a network of support and create opportunities to make positive changes. Our mothers leave the program with the tools, mindset, connections and sisterhood that will last long after the program is complete.
Being a mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had. It’s hard for me to imagine what it would be like to have to raise my kids by myself. To worry about my children’s safety and my own when I lay down to sleep. To not have enough money or time to put food on the table. To have to work two full-time jobs to make ends meet. To make impossible decisions every day to give my children a fighting chance.
This Mother’s Day, we celebrate mothers of all kinds, and we lift up the mothers we serve who are making amazing progress despite all odds. For all the mothers out there, we see you. We celebrate you. You’re not alone. You’re part of a global community who knows how hard this is and how amazing you are for showing up. Thank you for getting up each morning and giving your best to steward the leaders of the next generation.
